She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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