Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
