seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
