Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
