I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize