its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
