i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
