Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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