It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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