I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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