Did you just see the Batmobile???
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Randomize
