Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
