Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
