Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
