Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
