she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
