Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
