the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
