i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
