you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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