So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
