He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
