I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
