Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
