she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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