I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
