And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
