I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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