I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i will never coherently bang her
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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