your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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