Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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