I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
