So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
