Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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