like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
