i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I cannot find my penis.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
