Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize