I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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