On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
