So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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