i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm passing your future prison.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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