every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize