What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
