Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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