My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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