my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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