I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize