My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
