No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
