my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
