He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My bed smells like the plague
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
