we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
