somebody snuck up and got me drunk
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
