tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
