After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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