so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
