He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
