My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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