i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
