if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
