haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
