I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
