I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
