So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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