In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
