This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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