More tranny stories later!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
