Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
