Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
