Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
