What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We had to coat check the pizza.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
