God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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