God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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