your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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