i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
