im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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