I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
