Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
