I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
