I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
