Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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