So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so explain again why im purple
no
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
