and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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