I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
