So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
