i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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