I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize