So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
