I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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