saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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