Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
someone owes me an orgasm
smell my finger.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
