Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
smell my finger.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
