I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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