I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My cat gives me a boner
He kissed a someone with a penis
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
